Do not believe myths about your emotions!

“Reasonable man”, “I think, therefore, exist”. Determining ourselves through the mind, we do not dare to trust our feelings. In vain, because our emotions mean much more than we are used to thinking.

The first myth

“Emotions are an insignificant and annoying atavism that came from those times when a person has not yet found a mind”

Arguments for”: A clear mind and self -confidence – many active and successful contemporaries dream of this. Not paying attention to emotions – the style of their life. But at some point, the usual rational schemes fail, stop working: “for some reason” leaves a wife (husband), children become strangers, friends, work in which there was a meaning, and achievements for which so many have done, are becoming strangled and disappeared.They are no longer satisfied.

There is a vague feeling that some important measurement of life remains inaccessible, it seems that you are missing something important, but what-understanding and feeling cannot be felt. In such a situation, it is difficult to achieve inner harmony, there are simply no approaches to it, because success and achievement lead only to the experience of complacency and pride, and these two feelings are “cold”. New experiences are so amazing and puzzled that a person often begins to look for professional psychological assistance.

What is really happening. Emotions permeate every moment of life. The morning mood with which we leave home, the emotional memory of yesterday’s conversations and evening meetings, unexpectedly rolling a feeling when looking out the window, even intense concentrated work – all this is due to our feelings.

Why did I get out of bed this morning? I was raised by a sense of duty, or excitement before the future meeting, or the smell of coffee. Something affected me. In this ability to be affected is the secret of all desires. We can say this: until we have lost sensitivity and we can come into harmony, in resonance with something, we are alive.

“What remains of the fairy tale later, after it was told?” – asked Vysotsky in the song. Indeed, what remains of life? What remains of the life of the most Vysotsky? From the listened songs? That from the recent vacation? From the meeting? Only experiences, unique individual sensory trace. And at the end of their life, the old people are not going through the savings books and the good -accumulated good, but these treasures of the soul, telling touching stories about friendship, children, justice, relationships, about their loves.

Why are they doing that? The emotional memory of those who did not neglect their feelings – even if there is nothing in the chests – allows them to realize that life has taken place, and not just passed. But a life in which there was no place for experience – an unexplored life – is perceived as uninhabited and ultimately leads to despair. And let it look like a prosperous and active.

The second myth

“We must live so that positive emotions are as much as possible, and negative ones – as little as possible”

Arguments for”: They are obvious: it is better to enjoy than suffering, vacation is better than overtime work, a pretty girl is better than a corrosive boss. This idea is working and film industry, show business, tobacco, alcoholic and even pharmaceutical companies selling antidepressants and antipsychotics.

But the one who strives for hedonism often becomes dependent on smoking, online casino, alcohol. Avoiding suffering, he begins to feel fear and anxiety before difficulties in relationships and is increasingly feeling boredom: pleasure is boring, and you need to constantly increase their doses and degrees.

But the most bitter despair is experienced by the parents of adolescents who organized the lives of their children so that they did not have the slightest reason for suffering, were protected from any discomfort.

This happens when in childhood we have no experience of suffering – we do not be sad, do not regret it, do not cry from injustice or sympathy. Only in sorrow does a person get a chance to find closeness to himself and understanding himself.

What is really happening. Suffering is a natural part of life. The deeper we are able to suffer, the greater the depths of joy are revealed to us. If we are not afraid to suffer, we are not afraid and love. It is especially important to have a feasible share of sorrows and sorrows of a growing personality.

For a child and a teenager, this is a condition under which their inner world is formed – the area of personal, subjective space, where everyone is good and calm with themselves without a TV and phone, is formed. Only in sorrow we find the deepest point of relations with our life: after loss, betrayal, can I still love my life?

The ability to rejoice and enjoy the children from birth – the ability to suffer them must be taught without demonstrating their fear of experiencing grief, maintaining their own dignity.

The third myth

“You can’t trust feelings”

Arguments for”: Many of those who live with such an installation have a moral right to it: it has suffered by them. Confidence that experiences are meaningless, first arises in childhood: no one ever takes into account the feelings of such a child, does not respect them, does not understand. And gradually he himself ceases to understand himself. And since feelings and emotions do not disappear, they begin to live their own uncontrollable life and become the cause of unexpected actions, sudden affects.

And a person begins to fear himself and avoids talk about feelings even more – it is now dangerous to trust them. He gives himself to work, not understanding by and large what he really wants, what he really likes and what is only a minute whim. This is a difficult and often very conflict life.

What is really happening. Feelings always tell the truth. Existential psychologists consider them another body of perception. And just as the eyes perceive light, and ears – sounds, feelings perceive what in this situation is actually vital for us. This is what touches us. The difficulty is to distinguish between the feelings that speak of us from those that they say about the situation: what I feel now, concerns this situation or is connected with my previous experience-something remembered, responded, got sick?

Intuitively accurately those who train the ability to ignore the experiences that have nothing to do with this situation. For example, we can refuse to travel in winter to a ski resort, saying to ourselves: “I will look stupid on a slope, because I ride the worst in our company”.

A sense of fear, the fear of being the worst of all – the experiences are most likely familiar. Understanding this, it is worth asking myself: are I going to be better than anyone else? And it turns out that the goal is different – to relax, chat. But then does it mean which of us is worse and who is better? Fear to seem unsuccessful – this is the emotion of “about me” and has nothing to do with the situation. Thanks to feelings, we learn something important

Une telle pénalité peut survenir dans le cas du vaginisme (coupe convulsive involontaire du muscle entourant le vagin, a déclaré notre expert. Le vaginisme peut être une conséquence d’une douleur ou d’un stress intense, expérimenté par vous pendant le contact sexuel dans le passé. Dans ce cas , vous avez besoin d’une aide d’un priligy generique Mais la douleur peut être causée par l’infection des organes génitaux, donc c’est pour le début d’une visite au gynécologue.

about ourselves, we cease to be afraid of our weaknesses. And gradually learn to understand ourselves better.

The fourth myth

“Will control our feelings”

Arguments for”: There are many of them in books from a series of ZhZL. But those of us who relies on this philosophy actually replace (“forget”) their feelings and do not control them at all. Their experiences become unconscious and therefore dangerous. So, a person who considered himself calm and even cold can suddenly fall in love with the “wrong” woman, destroy the family, make irreparable mistakes.

The scrupulous and guardian suddenly becomes biased and unjust. Soft and understanding turns into aggressive and cruel. One way or another, the supplanted feelings always suddenly return, and we cease to understand who we really are, under this furious pressure, our self -esteem is reduced and even split.

What is really happening. We are not powerful not to feel and cannot arbitrarily choose whether something will affect us or leave us indifferent. We can either recognize our feelings or deceive ourselves, denying the obvious. You can not fall in love on behalf of, as well as loving, just making a decision.

You can’t impose something like tasty, sexy or beautiful if we do not feel that way. Feelings cannot be conquered with the help of will, they can only be absorbed by other, stronger feelings coming from the very core of our being. An unexpected love after some time turns pale before deep feelings for the family, but sometimes it happens the other way around, and this makes us look at our depth: who we want, without which we cannot live?

Essential feelings are found with situational impressions, and then appear in the face of conscience. And conscience is a special deep flair on the right one, capable of surprisingly accurately understanding our feelings. Alas, will often try to manage our conscience, although it is useless.

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